The Masculine Wound
The Masculine Wound: This Year’s Theme
This year's theme is the masculine wound. I have spoken about this in many of my groups and Armand has been delivering map after map that help us understand our own wound and how (and why) it is showing up in our society.
What We Mean by the Masculine Wound
When we say masculine wound, we mean the energetic of the wound. It's not about gender or sex. Both men and women have a masculine wound and a feminine wound. It's about how it comes about and is expressed within us and in our lives.
The Origin of the Masculine Wound: Separation at Birth
The masculine wound is about separation, the rift that is created between mother and child at the time of birth. Not only is the birth process itself a huge trauma (I highly recommend reading Stanislav Grof's work on the perinatal complexes and how they can relate to psychedelic experiences) but when we exit the safety and oneness of the womb we find our world turned upside (literally!), our atmosphere completely different, our host separate from us and we are totally exposed.
Before, all our needs were automatically met. Food was readily available, it just was. We were held and protected and complete. We had everything required to survive. Outside the womb we suddenly have to somehow get those needs met, without rational thought, language or understanding of what the hell happened or even what is going on.
Scarcity, Fear, and Early Imprinting
Scarcity and fear must be rampant. We have no control. So we cry... Anyone who's been around a baby just a little can feel the desperation of that wail. Luckily it's programmed to pull the mother back. But sometimes that doesn't happen. If we are fortunate we find "good enough" parenting and our needs are met most of the time and within reasonable timelines. If we are neglected or worse, abused, we experience unimaginable fear and lack.
But all of us have the wounding to one degree or another, and it is usually exacerbated as we develop. It can be intensified at all stages of development as it is really about the individuation process, which is simultaneously completely necessary and also traumatizing. And so we look to various control mechanisms to create the safety we need and the abundance to have our needs met. And any need, whether biological or emotional, can drive us to want control.
Control as a Response to the Masculine Wound
This control can be large and coarse, or small and subtle. And much of it is a trick of the mind. I myself try to control through over-planning and hypervigilance. In the past this would create anxiety (fear). So my worry would create a control mechanism which in turn created more fear. What I had to learn was that everything was going to be OK, even if I made a mistake or forgot something. I had to learn this over and over. But it wasn't until I began trusting myself (instead of trying to control) that I began to experience safety and the fear and scarcity vanished.
Trusting Myself Instead of Controlling
For me, I needed to feel in my bones that I was fundamentally OK. I was enough. I was worthy regardless of how many mistakes I made. Then, if things didn't work out the way I had planned, or if I did something “dumb” or made a mistake, I still knew I was OK. I was still enough. And I could trust myself and my environment that things would work out anyway. Maybe not exactly the way I wanted, but I still knew that I was worthy, that I was safe.
So it's interesting: when I collected evidence and keep proving that things would work out, it wasn't enough. But when I really began to trust myself and trust my OKness, I could then trust the universe, that it had my back. And again, it won't be all wine and roses, but I can move through life with a sense of ease and peace, even in this crazy, upside down world. (I wrote that line in the last newsletter, didn't I?)
And not to forget my privilege: I pass as white which makes trusting the environment a lot easier. But regardless of our situation, we all have the masculine wound and we will suffer greatly trying to control what can't be controlled when we cannot trust.
